something really apt

From kyx! lol koped from one of his notes.

Take off your shoes. Wear mine. Walk around a little. How does it feel?

Not that I ask too much. It's akin to a competition: sometimes we participate and don't get the result we want. Though we might accept that those above us deserve their placing, we still have every right to be disappointed. It's the same thing.

You think of the people before us, how they were different. But is that analogy valid? Let us examine it by means of another analogy. The analogy to an analogy. Concentric circles. How inceptive. 

Consider two students. Their relative proficiencies in the various subjects are irrelevant. One aims for a 3.6, the other wants a 4.0. They both get 3.8. Though they both get the same thing, the first student is happy; the second isn't. Call him stupid for aiming for an unrealistic 4.0, but the quest for perfection is an admirable undertaking. Tread softly, because you tread on his dreams. 

From here on, it's a simple matter: what do you do when you've given your all but your all is not enough?

What do you do when you've tried your best but it does not manifest?

The dauntless intrepid one goes: try harder!

The tiny voice in the back of your head screams: I've tried my best!

The pragmatist goes: give up.

Alas, we are humans, and humans are we; easier options are preferred. The pragmatist wins again. 

Besides, sometimes, by the time you realise that it's not enough, it's too late to try again. 

And there is one logical outcome: apostasy. 

When you're not happy with what you're given, you can decide that you'd rather have nothing. So you throw it all away and wander around in search of greener pastures. In short, severance. 

But giving something up is never easy. It's a long, painstaking process that stretches over days, even months. Yet, for the sake of a brighter future, it must be done. We can only move on by cutting the restraints that tether us. 

But it is not to be! Halfway through the process, they call you back, threatening to jeopardise whatever progress you have made! And you would have to start again, from step one. You'd have to relive the opening throes of the Severance. An unpleasant thought at best. 

In the end, you find yourself looking in from outside the window. 

Call it hypocrisy. Call it betrayal. I don't need your pity or sympathy. I don't even expect your empathy. In fact, I don't know why I'm even accounting for my actions. But I hope that you respect my decisions. Indeed, we all encounter choices in our life. When one door closes, another opens. Perhaps, when one door opens, another closes. Maybe the opening of one door necessitates the closing of another. 

And with this, I unfetter my burdened conscience.

I am free.

when i went to tze's house on friday, i seriously felt like stealing her entire collection of 武侠shows. it's like she has whatever you can name lah. okay maybe except for those serials like 少年杨家将，but apart from that, all those that she has is like... awesome. haha i borrowed 雪山飞狐，新如来神掌 and 风云2 from her after spending like damn long choosing. heh but i probably will borrow more from her once im done, although that'll take a while given that 武侠shows are relatively long in general and that i already have uh the shows currently airing on tv to watch.


神机妙算刘伯温 ended last thursday! there are actually 7 parts to the series, but somehow mediacorp stopped airing it after showing 2 parts. its slightly draggy i suppose, but the 'fights' between 刘伯温 and 胡惟庸 are damn interesting, plus there's like a lot of wit involved. and 朱元璋 in the show is really amusing, just that im not entirely sure that's how he was in real life.


oh and 古灵精探 is ending next tues. i think that this show is like on of the better tvb dramas? heh maybe it's juz cuz 郭晋安 is in it, and he's like one of the actors that i like the most. should watch 与敌同行 someday cuz he's apparently some 100% creepy and evil villain in the show. can't quite imagine it cuz he's always more 搞笑派 in shows.

I suppose i feel quite relieved after EOYs, but there's always something weighing on my mind which makes me feel like: hey, exams are NOT over. of course it's malay O's that are like in forever. or at least seems like it. because when i last checked, there's only about 20 plus days left. and that isn't a lot considering the first 10 days will pass without feeling the need to study, and after which i won't feel like studying either cuz it's the 'holidays'. well, im sure.


went to marina barrage today to learn bout puisi seperti sapak. i suppose i did learn something, but the whole experience felt very -errrrr-. like going all the way to marina barrage to learn about poems. and somehow although we just sat there almost the entire time, it was damn draining. maybe cuz we had to wear long pants despite being outdoors and the weather was really uncooperative. at the very least it didn't rain. 


i wonder what's going to happen to my malay after this. im like 99.99% sure that there isn't malay in jc. actually im 100% sure. that 0.01% is juz to give me a glimmer of hope that doesn't exist anyway. makes sense? duh no. but anyway, the point is that if i stop malay after O's then within a year or less I'll be reverted to maybe my sec 1 standard which is really like non-existent. then all the effort put in in these four years is gonna be wasted =.=
damn it lah. why can they offer jap, french and german in jc but not malay? if they did offer malay as a third lang, i would definitely take it, simply cuz it's a continuation from secondary school. that's why it feels so pointless to study for O's when i know that a year later, having that cert won't make much of a difference cuz i can't speak the language anymore.

kinda surprised to be blogging now. its probably gonna be short though.


next tuesday's gonna be math paper 2, the last EOY paper, the last exam in nanyang. after which there won't be any signs of studying for a whole 3 months. of course, we'll be getting back papers. and its either that you're gonna be disappointed/complaining. In general, people are never pleased with their marks, isn't it? whether you're failing or getting 99%, its the same. like any other person, i want EOYs to come to an end. 


but then what? like what is there to do after EOYs? there's no need to study, so it's just slacking off in our last days in nanyang. it just feels very weird... as though our last days in nanyang aren't spent fruitfully.