看来我太高估自己了

talk about being insignificant. or rather not being treated like you exist or are part of anything. so much for the supposed team talk. seriously? i would suppose some of you read this and probably would be able to guess what im talking about but that doesn't bother me at all. simply because i no longer give a damn. training? what's that for? is there a point in doing all this juz to be told that you're not fit to be considered part of their noble journey towards ______________ whatever it is.


thanks a lot for letting me regret 'my decision'. at least i know that what i would have chosen   would have been the right choice. that i was discerning enough.

training on wed was the most productive ever. did 4 整套！which is quite crazy considering that prior to that the number of 整套 that i did doesn't even total up to 4. getting used to the whole wushu thing again, even though not competing is taking quite a bit out of that feeling i always had in the build-up to comps. doesnt quite make sense till now. and it probably won't ever.


alyssa was saying something about how we went one whole circle and ended up joining wushu anyway. i kinda agree, although there's still this thing bout soccer that i feel regretful about. it's like the connection to whatever happened then is broken simply cuz i know that i won't play it again, not in that context anyway. not without a heck for anything else. the worst part being that all this wasn't even what i chose. not that i wouldn't feel the same if i didn't join wushu especially during comps, just that i would still be able to go back to it somehow. not by actually doing wushu, but by the people and stuff. for some time at least.

math lecture test results =.= lol a lot more =.= than the crazy amount of people claiming the screwed it. and why do we have results for history! for the record, i have no idea if it's international or southeast asia or both. how smart. not that the results are desirable anyway. 

bsp symposium yesterday was better than previous years in terms of people who presented their lunwens (haha cuz i know them) and the fact that i was awake most of the time. other stuff like the food, the venue, the speakers they invited was juz not there. the best part was the prize presentation ceremony! xD we get a cool medal for all the effort we put into the lunwen! plus it has my name! lol but apart from that the whole lunwen thing is quite weird. cuz after we submit it, that's it. especially for people like me who got bronze cuz we didn't need to present, and we dun even get our lunwen or any 评语 back =.= i want to know how it was! mainly cuz we need to write another lunwen next year, so kind of need it for reference, but apparently moe doesn't think so. 


thanks to 低调 for celebrating my birthday yesterday! =D although it was so belated! juz because it's not one month late doesn't mean it's fine okay x) we basically ate a lot at like pastamania and secret recipe. lol it was the first time most of us took circle line leh! haha like yiming said “我把我的第一次给了你们。第一坐” xDDD i think 低调owns lah. we totally juz settle everything in front of each other, and we kind of gossiped a lot. except that zhiqi is stuck in pulau ubin and couldn't go =.=


on a random note, 王识贤 is DAH BOMB(lol victoria's style man, but quite apt). saw 王识贤 on 百万 on monday and he's really damn power at hokkien songs. so is 张信哲！haha i must go get hold of his other 2398645309470247 albums cuz the rate he releases albums is crazy.

但我的愛多強悍 出乎妳預料

简直欺人太甚。你总是吧你认为正确的，应该做的选择强加在别人身上。真是难以相信我曾经以为你这个人还蛮开通的。照你说名立场的态度看来，我是非顺你的意不可了。如果你打从一开始就不打算给我任何选择的余地，又何必装出一幅给我自主权的样子? 你竟然让犹豫不决的我三番四次的为此而困惑，让我在两者之间做一个选择。而当我好不容易下定决心以后，你竟然好意思告诉我你心中早有定夺，根本轮不得我。我最终当然会随你的意，不过我能很肯定地说，我绝对会后悔，而且这决定会留下不可磨灭的遗憾。一个你所赐给我的遗憾。

i can't believe im saying this again, but seriously? what's the point of being so upfront about your choices, appearing to be so enthu and yet try time and again to miss as much as you can? it's quite amazing, whatever you're doing now. valid reasons don't even matter since you never bother to even make up one, and when you do, it's obviously something you came up with on the spot. this is like direct to the max but it's kinda expected, no? surely you didn't think we would be all nice and forgiving and forget about all this when you're constantly giving us fresh things to gripe about.  

极限早被践踏了

對占星執迷
需要空洞的鼓勵
才認清自己
逞強終究 只是逃避

放棄止痛劑 跟記憶 迎面交集
我依然堅持 回到家才哭泣

我的極限 就到這裡
就算永遠 不能痊癒
太害怕安靜
所以習慣 自言自語

你的極限 也在這裡
別跨越 我失序的心
如果我是你
會更殘酷離去

副作用不明 但意志 還算清醒
我真的慶幸 不曾自我否定



yesterday was a disappointment. or rather one that i should have expected. wasn't surprised, juz pissed that it has become the norm, no? it's been like that for as long as i remember and it doesn't seem like it's gonna stop anytime soon. in fact i was so pissed yesterday that i almost decided for sure that i was not gonna wushu since you guys aren't making an effort. even when you already confirmed with shunxiang. what's with the reluctance?! dude, enough said. i could do this all day.


on to better things. my class has 18 ppl! juz like in henry park and 213. the story goes like this. on the first day we go into our CTs, there are 20 plus ppl in there, with the guys practically non existent. somehow by the second day we are down to 18 cuz ppl transferred out. on wed, this guy came in during seniors meet juniors, said he was joining our class, and promptly transferred the same day (we only saw him for 2 hours =.=) come today another guy joins our class. and before we know it, deja vu =.= guess what, he transferred out today! and so the current head count stands at 18 (to be confirmed though  -.-''')