its all an act

there's nothing to blog about these days at all. 313 is juz a terrible idea. it's scarily different and unfeeling. at least there are dumb teachers to make fun of. and i realised that late last year i was putting on this invisible mask and was juz going with the flow ying-chou ing ppl, not meaning what i say. maybe this year it juz remained. i dunno. but i feel zombie-ish in class. In the past i came to class anticipating to talk to ppl and do nonsense. now i go into class anticipating the most interesting lesson of the day. and no it has nothing to do with me becoming more guai or wtv. the atmosphere in class is so stale and so... fake. and of course it only feels real among like one or two ppl in class, which is plain scary. cuz it's like living in this world where everyone is all smiles and friendly, but many conversations not work related dun go beyond the word hi. whats there to say? and if chooi somehow decides to try and integrate us by changing our seating arrangements, sch is juz gonna become more zombie-fied.

and talking to 'old' people is amusing.

im really not getting the point of doing that anymore. it's become somewhat pointless because it wasnt our fault. juz cuz we have ppl going for long hols and stuff. and looking at whatever they're doing is juz... i dunno what to say. bleugh.

*edit*

juz realised. i have another thing to say. i have no idea why i went to so much trouble to change the day for 3rd lang. i might juz have been better off that way. cuz im juz going to be freaking tired for 3 days in a row tues, wed, thurs. and when i go home not much gets done. maybe it was better if it was on thurs. it's pathetic. and in some ways insulting. because we didnt do it on purpose or wtv. it juz happened. and some ppl were like us too in the past u know. 3 YEARS! i cant believe that okay. and it's not as though we dun try. when we do ppl dun know it. when we dont they somehow happen to know a lot bout it. how fair's that?

*edit*

and sch is juz somewhat pointless too. like we have so many slack or lousy teachers it doesnt really matter whether we have lessons or not. and the whole 212, 213 thing is never gonna be changed. it's pretty obvious cuz sometimes we cant stand them and they cant stand us. history is like the best lesson. and apparantely physics is nice too. so my original combo was a correct decision. but somehow they had to give me a choice that wasnt even a choice. certain teachers suck so much u can be doing 3rd lang throughout their whole lesson even when they are talking cock. la marks are expected to drop drastically this year for obvious reasons.

and im freaking tired these days. maybe its cuz i play bball and sometimes training falls on the same day. maybe cuz the days are damn long and draggy. or maybe there's something wrong with me.

blah these days are a drag..........

Past few days have juz been passing really slowly i suppose. And friday was shuang-ly slack. as usual ms chooi uh i mean mrs tan took her own sweet time during pccg, so we were like 10 mins late for pe. the badminton coach is quite nice lah, but talks a bit too much =X played badminton with je after pe.

oh then after that was history which was so erm fun and high. haha cuz our table only had me, alicia and amanda we can always talk bout any random thing. we had to do this ws thingy bout revolution and it was quite fun? or maybe cuz me and amanda were amusing ourselves. and i realised my brother is juz like her sister =.= how interesting. then we started talking bout how our parents compare their childhood to our childhood which was juz amusing. and then we went on and on about what we might do in the future. somehow we managed to do the ws properly despite us talking bout erm weird stuff.

then we had sil where i sat next to manda and like chooi was in front of us. haha but before it started we talked bout weird stuff again. lol then chooi kept turning round to scold ppl. lunch went to borrow that malay book then went to the hall. haha shi ting didnt dare to play cuz wn looked too fierce. the game was err okay lah. but i kept hitting tze xD in class je was asking me who shi ting was scared of. i was like duh wn! jia yu looks blur, eggy looks innocent, tiny looks amusing and wn of course looks fierce! hahaha. then chooi came into class and started scolding us. apparently we're not supposed to talk during sil. wow dun talk for 1 hour when u have yr classmates round u? and then we're not supposed to sleep. who doesnt know that? but apparently our 2 form teachers were sleeping during sil, no? i was sitting behind them so i cant be that blind you know. how contradictory.

okay wow i've left this blog dead for so wonderfully long. and like duh a lot of stuff have happened since then. so 313's ft this year is once again ms chooi! i mean MRS tan, as she wishes to be known as to us. with this co form guy called benjamin kong.the first day was juz stone and weird. cuz yeah 212 + 213 is juz weird. and wow we're divided into 2 cliques (DUH) 212 and 213. all the thirteeners were juz stoning on the first day and the twelvers the enthu ppl?

lol and also cuz sarah's in 301, jean's in 314 so its damn weird. lol sarah in 301 was juz like me when i went to henry park and when i came to ny, sorta solo-ing.

lessons today were okayish. oh during ih mrs kuan said that our class seemed very quiet. haha then shi ting was saying that all the noisy or loud ppl like: jean, lauren, celine, sim hwee, carissa are all in hp. lol it's quite true lor! we had this lucky draw thing during cct and somehow by some chance or luck, i got ms chooi, i mean mrs tan's present. there was this note inside addresed to "lucky" hmmm... well it really is some luck and coincidence.

lets hope tmr's lessons are nice

lol i finally update after 13 days. sap scholarship interview on fri! haha im not nervous or anything. maybe cuz i dun really care if i get in. cuz im in bsp liao what! xD and it was my mum who wanted me take scholarship. i suspect the interview is 20 mins. wth. and im gonna be interviewed by what 5 ppl?! i'll be answering some questions in eng and some in chi. lol whatever man! china affairs. 2 more days to prepare? and i havent started. why do i wanna join bsp? i juz want lah. damn it how to answer

quiz from jean!

1. My friends are
all diff? lol

2. I am listening to
nothing

3. Maybe i should
start preparing for the sap interview cuz it's on fri!


4. I love
a lot of things?

5. My plan
is to have no plan!


6. I dont understand
why i cant be bothered to do anything


7. I lost
the chance to go for sim hwee's party, class chalet and training. how fun.

8. People say
what they wanna say and i cant control them


9. I am missing
213. i need a class outing now!

10. Love means
something


11. Somewhere, someone
is thinking bout something?!

12. I am always searching for
everything.


13. Forever seems
too amazing

14. I never want to
miss so many things cuz of that ankle

15. My mobile phone is
bright red and its free. how wonderful

16. When i wake up in the morning
i make myself sleep again. seroiusly!

17. I get annoyed when
i feel like i have to. even though sometimes others should be getting annoyed at me. well i regret getting annoyed most of the times cuz im juz so rash and hot tempered.

18. Parties are
nice? haha


19. Hugs or kisses?
Hugs.


20. Today
is juz like any other day

21. Tomorrow
is gonna be juz like today



22. I really want
to watch tv!

23. I
i what? i am venus.



24. What is your phone brand?
philips. oh didnt u know they have handphones?



25. What are the last three digits of your phone number?
428



26. What does the second message in your inbox say?
haha its from sarah saying that she saw deborah! and that deb missed training



27. Who was the last person you rang?
my mum

28. Who was the last missed call from?
err my mum again

29. What does the oldest message in your inbox say?
lol its that ha ha da xiao thing. still there

30. Who comes up after J?
janice see. slacker! xD

31. Go to your sent messages- What does the tenth message say?
it was to charmaine. lol bout what i wanted for my bdae x)

32. Who is your network provider?
singtel

33. How many messages are there in your inbox?
183

34. Who do you have on speed dial 3?
no one

35. If you are on prepaid card, how much credit do you have?
I'm not.

36. Who's the first person who comes up after C?
calvin

37. What do you have as your main ringtone?
some weird song

38. Pass this quiz to ten people
too bad. im feeling lazy

c & d was great! 213!!!! i'll blog bout it later =D

but omg training sucked like shit. it killed my ankle and i've juz become a bai ka. bleugh it better not be fractured... cuz of that i couldnt go for c & d yesterday cuz had to go see doc cuz of how pain it was. then i missed sim hwee's bdae party today cuz of x ray and going to see doc. and im gonna miss c & d today cuz of that freaking ankle. sorry sim hwee! so that means i never saw a single c & d performace even though i was planning to. dang. IF we were going to malacca it would be tmr and i would juz kill myself cuz i definitely cant go. AND no training for me tmr. NO training camp next week. i have no idea how im gonna move around at class chalet cuz my speed now is like 1m/h or something... and sry carissa i can only pay u the money at class chalet.

today was supposed to be my first day slacking at home since hols. and no it's not slacking. it's tiring and irritating cuz im missing so much stuff all thanks to that jumping thing chai made us do that caused me to fall. i should have juz ignored what he was saying and juz change legs, instead of trying to deng tui. cuz that freaking bench is NOT stable. i wanna go to the last night of choral and drama!!!

im supposed to be like sad about leaving 213 and not worrying bout being a bai ka right now. this sucks.

Should i choose the class and remain...
or should i take a gamble and be the only one again?

HELP DANG IT. I SERIOUSLY HAVE NO IDEA. SHOULD I OR NOT. WELL MAYBE IM SORTA SLANTING TOWARDS CHOOSING THE CLASS BUT EVEN THEN ANY CHOICE IS A GAMBLE. WHY THE HECK AM I SO SUAY. WHY COULDNT THERE BE MORE PPL WHO CHOSE PHYSICS. THEN I WOULDNT HAVE TO CHOOSE. THEN I CAN BLAME SOMEONE IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG AND I HATE WHATEVER WAS GIVEN TO ME. BUT IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG, IT'LL JUZ BE MY FAULT. HOW VERY FUNNY. ACTUALLY IM QUITE SURE OF WHAT I'LL CHOOSE IN THE END.

BUT THE QUESTION IS. IS IT WORTH IT? AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
DAMN IT LAH. I DUNNO. AND THERE'S NO ONE TO ASK. BLEUGH. FORGET IT. I WISH MAN. WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO KEEP CHOOSING AND CHOOSING AND CHOOSING. THAT TIME WHEN GOT INTO GEP HAD TO CHOOSE AND IT WAS DAMN HARD MAKING THE DECISION, BUT IT WORKED OUT :) WELL CHOOSING SEC SCH WASNT THAT HARD ALTOGETHER. BUT IT MIGHT HAVE SHOULD THERE HAVE BEEN MORE GIRLS IN GEP. THEN SUBJECT OPTION I TOOK DAMN LONG TO ACTUALLY DARE TO TRY FOR DOUBLE SCI AND MAKE A CHOICE. THOUGHT THAT ONCE I HANDED IN THE FORM, THAT WOULD BE IT. BUT NO. SO NOW THE OPTION IS OPEN TO ME AGAIN HUH? SHOULDNT I BE VERY GRATEFUL THAT I CAN CHOOSE AGAIN? OH WOW. BUT IM NOT. CUZ I CANT CHOOSE. IT'S NOT STRAIGHTFORWARD AT ALL. I HAVE 3 CHOICES WTH. BUT WELL I STILL NEED TO THANK THE SCH FOR THEIR EFFORTS TO KEEP THE GEP TOGETHER. SERIOUSLY, THANKS A LOT. BUT OF COURSE. I WILL HAVE TO MAKE A DECISION.

finally, i've chosen thanks to my mum =) you rock! heh so i've chosen to be with the class and changed my subject option to chem + bio.

there's no wrong decision and no such thing as regretting a decision. it is a choice that you made at that point in time where it seemed like the best choice. so dun regret it, but live with it and make the most out of it:)